Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in cory's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
11:25 am	my life norman rockwell, 1924 (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
12:21 pm	this will be used for a dumping ground of floating thoughts/lyrics/etc. Two choruses I came up with... songs for the sweetness! (gotta get em down before they're gone) Hangman (a-whoa-whoa) Can't guess what you're thinking (a-whoa-whoa) Letters underneath your bed got you hanging by a thread When it's arm for an arm and eye for an I'll find you hanging (a-whoa-whoa) Strung up in the morning (a-whoa-whoa) When the words you never found Are all six feet underground It's piece by piece you die (the 'whoa-whoa's are in falsetto. hear it?) another one... I said there was a time when I'd never trade our love for anything But "never say never" is what you say whenever I ask what tomorrow brings Well if a diamond is forever Ain't no way I can lose I've gotta get more than The pawnshop blues Now it's another guitar and a new tattoo for you Current Mood: sore (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
5:00 pm	even though just a memory is all that i'll be ... would you leave the porch light on for me?" wew (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 18th, 2006
2:53 pm	laying awake a wake of stymied smiles spiral into plumes, perfume-perfect a magazine inset set to fall at feet in piles and smile; it's called lying for reasons for seasons to turn thyme and time-trials into bedrooms hardwood begging i've scuffed knees and heels and heals, as Saint Bernard barrells on candles and cones and open sores more oxy on oxymorons fine, china: i'll eat off my platelettes and sip chardonnay kissing mistletoe wounds bad dog bad dog pull the stitches out (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
12:55 am	!!! it's been a while since i updated. sorry to all the people that read this and leave comments that i don't comment back on--i'm really bad at that. chicago's great and all that jazz (blues?). The real reason i came here however was that tonight was an amazingly productive night... i just spent the past 4 hours playing guitar and writing new material--i can't put into words how ethereal the sensation is when it just seems like everything materializes; i seriously feel like it's a gift that i find, like 20 bucks in your pocket when you go to do laundry. I remember i was reading an article a looooong time ago about Don Henley when he was talking about writing Hotel California (hey! i said it was a looooong time ago!)... he mentioned that sometimes the cosmos just happens to part and it just plops in your lap, and i have yet to find a better analogy for the songwriting process... I'm not saying that this song is my Hotel California. It's better. :) seriously though. i'm sure i've mentioned before about how the best songs happen in 5 minutes or 5 years... this was definitely the latter of the two in the current scenario. I started off by finally figuring out a cohesive melody and lyrical structure for this (admittedly) poppy chorus i've had floating around; very hit the lights-ish. i'm hearing a sort of midtown-y dual vocalist verse structure. that'll come though. After i put that aside though, i really felt like it just opened up. I've had this song structure i've been kicking around for the past 3 or so years--one part in it is one of the first riffs i've ever written!--but it's always just been a loose conglomoration of parts that lacked any sort of cohesiveness and a definite concrete structure... until now. I'm not really sure why, but it took on this heavy RX Bandits vibe to it--not that that's a bad thing; the exact opposite really--and i realized it is the most complex and non-structured piece i've ever done with time changes and unexpected progressions... usually i stay away from overly chromatic stuff because i feel a lot of that shit is arbitrarily used for variance and loses its appeal (melody, catchiness, 'pop' in a non-negative connotation). Anyway, i realize i sound incredibly egomaniacal in this entry, but i really don't give a shit. I feel like this song (and one i wrote back in June in E. Lansing) are the stuff I've always been meant to write. This feeling is love, it is sex, romance, erotica... good because i'm not having any of those things in the other parts of my life :) Here it is. If anyone steals this, i'll fucking moida you. The Betweens (Why do you Write) -------------- You're sucking out the poisons Under cover of the night Listen to your favorite songs & write the words that they forgot to write Then you get into hiding To find answers to those prayers Unconciously deciding To have all the best nightmares The words hold contradictions While your hands hold pad and pen To exorcise the demons In that public sphere again When you hold your breath, you almost start believing You can will yourself to death But somewhere inside Faintly angels cried Save these melodies Save it all for another rainy day All the memories Come back to life when you finally know what to say Find your voice in the betweens Holding out for the otherside Never thought it'd be wrong Never thought that the otherside would be gone Cuz when the tree grows finally It's a fucking tragedy to know that the Fruit's gone rotten Eight years later, forgotten, and we're still Saving these melodies Saving them up for another rainy day All the memories Come flooding back when there ain't another way We'll find a voice in the betweens ... goodnight, moon. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
2:47 am	mutiny i think... i just fell in love. with a city, not a woman. well, okay, maybe a woman. in the city. <3 (Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
4:47 pm	aeroplane, aeroplane, don't leave without me... ...quite possibly the best album i've bought for the past 3 years (Comment on this)
Friday, September 8th, 2006
1:21 am	grr. the second i sign on i'm assaulted with IMs. i don't want to sound like a dick, but DAMN, hold up. chicago is great. job is good, music is good. love life leaves a little to be desired, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad. now i want some meatloaf. not-so-surruptitiously lifted from mr. klosterman... "We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who BECOMES that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else." ...silence sometimes screams at you in black and white. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: inkwell--jazzersize in a tie (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
3:04 am	chi-town verrry intoxicated. decisions. job offer in southern california at a most beautiful place; awesome people... another interview(s)(2) at Northwestern here in chicago, my present location. It is most easy to rest back, knowing that I have a job somewhere and will be living the next chapter of my life someplace that is yet to be determined.... happiness is a relatively flexible concept in my situation--i would love to keep playing with my band, be near my family, and have a benefits package that allows me to complete my PhD from a nationally recognized institution (NW); similarly, I could live by the beach in a celebrity's house, work for the best office i've ever been involved with, and listen to the seagulls sing me to sleep (pepperdine)... in the grand scheme of things, I have to thank God for the opportunities life has afforded me--lord knows i've lived too compromised a life to be deserving of the things laid out in front of me now... i just hope that i will keep on living with the solace of knowing i will be happy wherever i end up. thank god for friends, family, and mechanical bulls. love, cory Current Mood: happy Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
10:38 pm	ramblings etc. chicago was fun in a polyesther kind of way. backstage/onstage at ozzfest was great (esp. for atreyu). driving to dragonforce through a tornado with colin from the rock band alucard was too--thank you aubrey for the hookups. the magnum EP drops in about a month. complete site redesign/promo push behind it as well. big news (hopefully) to come soon. i am an aging rockstar. i make music and i perform it for people. to try and claim to be anything other than the contrary is flat out to lie, and to deny that to anyone (especially myself) is to completely deny the core part of who i am as a creative individual. That being said, I am living/loving/longing for knowledge. Phone interview with Northwestern today--2 positions. One said i was overqualified (no shit? really?) and that was out--the other (in neurobiology and physiology) went very well and will be doing an on campus hopefully by the end of the week or beginning of next. Biggest draw there (beside still playing with TML and having full benefits and oh yeah, living in the greatest city in the country): Tuition remission at Northwestern. That's right; as soon as I would become an employee I could begin work on my phD. :) So for the most part, life's 5% sheer ecstasy (usually brought on by playing guitar or masturbation--which really could be considered the same thing i guess) followed by 80% of feeling like things will be alright and only 15% of absolute utter despair. comparatively, that can't be considered too bad. that whole female thing has been on the back burner for sometime now. once i get my life in order that'll take some precedence once again. but hey, the really cute waitress at beaners seemed really into me (even for my horrible sense of picking that up). i've a mosquito bite on my left cheekbone that feels melanomish. Fargo Rock City has recently renewed itself as one of my all time favorite reads. Maybe there is a place for us aging rockstars out there after all, eh? victory shall be ours! *cough* Current Mood: tired Current Music: strung out--the exhumation of virginia madison (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
11:18 pm	the term of the evening is.... 'denatured Machiavellianism': comprehending and utilizing the cultural/ecological natures of human interaction intended for altruistic and vision-driven goals as opposed to exploitive ones. ... I'm going to miss grad school. well, maybe not. I fly to Pittsburgh tomorrow, and I am COMPLETELY not ready! Woo hoo, here's to dead industry and abject poverty! (Don't laugh too hard Michigan--you're next). I wrote quite possibly the best song I ever have the other day. I realize I say that every time, but hey, that means I'm constantly improving, right? *insert random pissed off ex-girlfriend/nu-metal band comment here about sucking* ok, back to work! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
1:57 pm	new song thank you last night. hypochodriaction --- I hate you And I wish you were dead Because you say I'm dead to you Well I can't say the same is true When you keep showing up in my head And I can't seem to shake this When I nod off to sleep I'm afraid of what I'll find in here It's all so crystal clear The memories I'll remember To forget when I wake but keep This six-string fever that I caught last night Broke in the morning along with the sunlight And everything I want to say gets sweat out when I write And I write... You're a pain in the neck, Like a pain in the ass except Affecting the blood supply To my brain, it's quicker Than death by dead liver Deliver that thorn right to my side Caratoid, corroded; as a stroke you've exploded Leaving me here to die I hate to burst your bubble- I'm numb from your pair-of-lies And I'll still fucking hate you Though it's not all your fault It's what I get for showin up California's openin up Saying 'Ahh... would you please pass the salt?' So sorry to mention But I can't keep it within Stand back, here comes a flood Of bile and piss and blood It's just my bad sense of humours again I keep hearing voices and I'm seeing things too Pounding in my head, though they're kept out of view In boxes sealed and stacked, A tell-tale heart attack I'm ripping up floorboards Just to get back to(at?) you, A pain in the neck... etc. Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
5:46 pm	. . . i feel like my life is an endless series of ellipses. stress is really starting to get to me. i'm anxious as hell these days, but i have no idea what for... a job? a girlfriend? family stuff? yesyesyes. i have no cable and no internet at my new place and i love it. i play SO much guitar now.... songs have been coming, and have been really good too! i got way too drunk last night. i just don't care anymore. you know those spam emails you get that throw garbage words in the bottom to try and get through the mail filters? i was listening to NPR a while back and they had some person who compiled a book of 'poetry' comprised solely of that. here's my contribution i received today: *ahem* Alone walk i a own help get because are, when i how i own my do my i the i'll. Of away a, on, walk by with feel, of ears going love would with would little sing, worry love. The me little, help of with. It with does sing help up my. I be does little with, my and. Tune help going, day. Tune be me of would by get and own on. Your does, by the, with, i'll friends, think and are sing little a my get. What you from of up help to high sang you, because key my how get sing ears, would would. Ears out i'll my be tune to on by not i to song sing think if walk, me. And, what do, a with me when out. Of how i'll song sang key me with out own i help day and is i would. Help little with, get by, your help , i of friends sad my little i up of. You help a little help, i i with you, worry on to my. If out you you're sad from love friends the i a help be me. Tune would by get and own on, does does, by the, with, i'll friends, think and are. my favorite is "If out you you're sad from love friends the i a help be me" (Comment on this)
Friday, May 12th, 2006
1:08 am	I'm in the process of moving right now, and as you can plainly see, have not gotten all that far. I have, however, successfully consumed two beers and am looking for jobs in chicago. Last night I got really depressed, and subsequently chased it away by going out with Mike and Pepa and slugging hard through Jack on the rocks. Today, I am reminded through the process of boxing up my posessions exactly how temporary (and ultimately unimportant) so many things in this life are. Perspective is a funny thing; as soon as you've convinced yourself you've gotten some, you lose yourself within your own platitudes and cordiality. *side note* I met an awesome girl on the train back from chicago named Elizabeth Taylor (yes, really). She lives in Dearborn, and we're going to get together for dinner or something sometime. And yes, she's 24, so hopefully that will help that whole perspective thing out. things that are awesome: California, Healthy Choice Flavor Adventures, girls with dark hair and great smiles things that are lame: people who don't call you back (IF YOU CANT TALK, JUST SAY SO--ITS COMMON FUCKING COURTESY!), oversized sunglasses, the jobsearch... and moving. =\ Current Mood: lazy Current Music: boink!--lonabelle (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
12:30 am	sometimes i like to put on headphones and pretend like i'm listening to music when i'm really not. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
2:14 am	I know that it burns like poison in the pill Sing me to sleep, echoes in the hills You can't hear a word You can't hear my broken will The world through a windshield is callous and cheap I toss and I turn, I can't get to sleep Counting the hours the days that turn into weeks I've been wrong but it's alright There've been long and lonely nights I was lost till I found you Turn out the light, I'll stay if you want me to Somehow my time got out of my hands I just wanna stop master commands I'm telling you true it won't be this way again Long ways away but you're never alone Look at the sky over our home I'll be around a few more miles to go I've been wrong but it's alright There've been long and lonely nights I was lost till I found you Turn out the light, I'll stay if you want me to Don't have to say it you don't have to speak I've been awake worried and weak Don't say a word I've been wrong but it's alright There've been long and lonely nights I was lost till I found you Turn out the light, I'll stay if you want me to Current Music: the new amsterdams--turn out the light (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
12:17 pm	Tomorrow is april 1st, and i've fooled myself into believing that this emotional cavalcade will continue forever. I think the internal hatred I have is slowly beginning to disappate--the number of panic attacks I've had has decreased in amount, but increased in intensity. Somedays I just need a nap. I've been living a little outside of my means as of late--I need to remedy that pronto. I just got a student loan statement yesterday--outside of the ones i'll need to take for summer, I'm looking at about 33k. How the fuck did that happen?? Oh yeah, I didn't want to be an AHD in the dorms. Talked to Dartmouth today--I'm sending in my application either later today or tomorrow. I've got some good background from talking to people there, plus I'm hoping some people will call in some favors. Ivy-League, baby--can you say doctorate in cognitive psychology? I'm also applying to San Diego State this weekend, because, well, it's San Diego. I think I'd be able to manage (though managing in California on 40k a year may be a little tougher than originally thought). Then there's Chicago. And the Christian music possibility to play in front of 40,000 people. I've pretty much abandoned the hope of finding a meaningful relationship until I'm at a more stable juncture in my life--financially, career-wise, mentally--etc. Last night made me realize how single I want to be; coincidentally, it's been the first night I can remember that I didn't have to take a sedative to get to sleep. Do you ever read something that elucidates how someone thinks so vividly and so identifiably it gives you chills for hours? M.E. White was a delusional Hungarian immigrant in the 19th century who made a pact with himself that if he hadn't established the fundamental goals of stability by his 35th birthday that he would commit suicide. Durkheim characterized him as egoistic and an anomie. Freud felt, however, that suicidal thoughts had less to do with self-hatred and more with the supressed and re-packaged futile desires to lash out upon others. Finally, Camus notes how we are the only creatures that constantly seek out toil and suffering through our actions. We define our happiness as the absence of sadness; pleasure as the absence of pain (a truly functional point of view). M.E. White knew his happiness through his contract with himself, which such framed his daily interactions that he had destined himself to not fufil it. Our conscious or unconscious pre-occupation with sorrow and hardship drive the desire to chase it; Camus' absurdity. Only by admitting this can we transcend the limits arbitrarily self-placed by a regret, a memory; this is Sisyphus's rock. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: the new amsterdams (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
9:31 pm	we are the clowns only here to entertain i've dug myself this hole that i can't seem to get out of. I have to find a job soon. I probably will move to Chicago. There's a position at Dartmouth I want more than anything though. We're playing with Matchbook Romance and the Early November on April 8th in Milwaukee. The last weekend jog with Alucard was amazing (as usual). I might be going on tour with a large contemporary Christian rock band. I should have applied for PhD programs instead of jobs. I haven't picked up my apartment in a long time; i just don't care anymore. I go to sleep in my free time, even when I'm not tired. I've been sick for 3 weeks. I don't wear my scarf in the cold. Today when I was walking to 893, I felt like I gave up. Where did the cory go who loved music and touring and cute girls who smile at him? Pleasantries with friends and surface conversations. How's life? well, it started off pretty good, peaked around 19-20, and today, well, I almost stepped off the curb in front of a bus. I mean, don't get me wrong; the student loan debt and hair loss aren't too bad--fuck, give me isolation and the lack of a purpose and my Id will usually tell me to masturbate them away. But you know, man, it was cloudy and that sidewalk was slippery, and it wasn't so much as WANTING to step into the road at the last second; it was more of an increase in the absence of a desire to stop my clumsy gait for the CATA. Momentum is a weird thing... there's gotta be some pretty substantial force to stop it, so the 7th grade textbooks tell us. I'm going to go get some rest now, and intend to stay that way until something kicks me into a motion. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
7:48 pm	I find it funny (wrong word) that all the job-related things I fully well intended to do over break have thus far not even been started upon. It's weird how awkward and alien it feels trying to fall asleep next to someone when you haven't done so in a long while. I know most people end up doing the roll-away thing after a little bit of cuddling, but there's something distant about that I think. What the fuck, I can't shake this idealism and i certainly can't scrub it off with an SOS pad... I bought way too many psychology books at a used bookstore. I've put on 7 pounds over break so far. My family seems to be in a constant state of argumentation... I'm reading a book on suicide right now, and it mentions how that the majority of our lives we spend not actually enjoying them, but shaped by the frame of some negative reference... That can be anything from a loved one dying to forgetting the correct the cashier when she charged you 10 cents more on peas... your brain finds some way to twist itself around that extra 10 cents, and multiply it over the course of your lifetime--shit man, that's a time-share in Aruba you could have had. I can picture the smiling couple emerging from the aquamarine waters hand in hand; perfect teeth and 2.3 children. My back hurts. I'm miles away from having a meaningful relationship, but right around the corner from having a bunch of rather low-quality ones. I just bought a mandolin!! Current Mood: sore (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
1:13 am	i'm sick. sick of friends; new and old old because they let things fade and new because they always will. i'm sick of putting myself out to be taken advantage of fuck you. yes you. and you. cognizance plus continuance breeds madness. it's scary how easily one can alternate between overwhelming warmth and comfort of the future and the longing to slice oneself open again. old wounds don't die, they just fade away. pass the salt. (yes. fuck YOU) ------- itch dangling thread a cigarette a three-month membership slip back to bed 9 more minutes the sickest perversions bad dog bad dog pull the stitches out (Comment on this)